This was a pretty good day. I can't remember the last time I was this happy (well, I can, but I usually try not to think about M these days). I had a happy little tune running through my head, which usually drives me insane, but today it actually made me feel better.

And then it happened....
There's a fabulous babe that works on the first floor of my building. I never got the chance to talk with her, because I only ever saw her from about 200 feet away, and I didn't think it would be very cool to run up yelling, "excuse me miss! Go out with me!!" So I figured I'd wait until I successfully timed getting to the door the same time as her...
Today I managed to get in the elevator with her. Haha! There was no getting away!! But as the doors were closing, some old man she (apparently) works with shoved his way inside. And just started talking to her... gah... I couldn't say a damned thing aside from the "hi" I'd already said. Well, so much for that idea... at least I could see that she was wearing a wedding ring... oh well.

But I was still feeling pretty good. I shoved ice down Gary's back I felt so good!
Then I came home and the vet called... Marty's thyroid levels are great. But he's jaundiced. Which will probably cost more money than is really an option. Now I'm pissed and depressed.
At least I get a day off tomorrow now.... if only it could be a fun day.

Interestingly... if I'm using the wireless networking and the cordless phone, the network cuts out on me.
You'd think they'd have some way around that.

For those who don't know... I'm a game geek.
I love a good game. I'm not talking about computer games, I generally can't stand those. Console video games are ok, and I can get addicted to them sometimes. But what I really love are table top games and role playing games. I have a closet (well, 1 and a half closets) full of them.
The local game store here has a bi-annual (semi-annual? I can never remember what's what) auction. People bring in the crap they don't want, and they auction it off. You can get 100% of the sale price of the stuff you brought in store credit, or 50% in cash.
The first time I brought stuff in, it was all garbage no one could possibly want. I figured I'd be lucky to get $25 for it all, but I was glad to be rid of it. I ended up getting almost $400 in store credit, which I blew through quickly (hey, it was like free stuff!). Something I figured would never get a dollor went for $65!! People are insane.

So the next auction is in just a few weeks. I dug out a load of old trash I don't need, want or care about. If everything goes for $1, I should make about $50. Hopefully everything will got for $5! But I know a few of what I have should go for $50+. I'm going to keep my fingers crossed.

I've never been to one of these auctions. I'd see things I remember from my youth and *need* them. I have enough stuff I don't dare part with (like the japanese wargame SF3D, which I could probably get well over $100 if I did auction it).
Yeah, I could probably make a lot more selling some of this stuff on eBay... but I really hate the internet, and I have enough other things to sell on eBay. The auction money will be my game fund for the next year... I've seriously cut down on the hobby so maybe it'll last a few years... if I got cash for this stuff off eBay, I'd probably put the money to "proper" use, and what fun is that??

finis

I wear a necklace... yup, it's true.
A silver chain with a pentagram pendant. I've worn it off and on for about 10-12 years. When things with M started getting serious, I started wearing it full time.
A pentragram in a symbol of protection, and I saw wearing it as protecting our relationship.
Both the chain and the pentagram have maintained their appearance over the years. The silver wasn't pristeen, but it was good enough.
When things went sour with M, I continued to wear it, and within a week, the chain turned as black as night. The pendant coroded too, though not as badly.
This, to me, was a symbol of the pain. Not just mine, but hers as well. I continued to wear the chain, like a boy scout's badge of malice.
And whenever I would see it, I would remember....

It's been about three months. Carlos has been badgering me to clean the necklace. I would tell him it's only black because it was forged out of his soul. He never fell for it.
Yesterday, I let him clean it. It took him a good half hour of scrubbing with some special cloth his brother uses to polish his police badge, and he brought it back brighter and shinier than the day I bought it.
The pain, wiped away by a third party... it just seems ironic.

And the man from the magazine wants another shot
Of you all curled up
'Cause you look like and actor in a movie shot
But you're feeling like a wino in a parking lot
How did I get in here anyways?
Do we really need a playback of the show?
And the wide boy wants to head for the watering hole
Let's go.....
And the man in the mirror had sad eyes
- Marillion, Bitter Suite, 2nd movement (Curtain Call)

So a girl said to me the other day, "If I was a guy, I think I'd be gay."
This could be taken a number of ways.... maybe, "women are evil, and I could never spend too much time with one," or maybe, "kiss me, dumbass" or maybe, "if you were the last guy on earth, I'd be all over you even if I was a guy."
Given the context of the conversation I think it meant something like, "you're not terribly ugly, and kinda nice... I'd like to spend more time with you."

*sighs* Why me?

Not that I'm complaining... wait, I guess I am.
See, this came from someone who I've always thought was pretty... but until recently never really talked to her, and think she's really nice. And if she was a guy... I might be gay too. Or at least bi.
So what's the problem? Well... she's married.

No... I'm not massivly in love with her like I am with M. But this time it's definintely a crush (unlike when you people accused me of a crush before), but I can't tell her. But she'll find out anyway....

So now I need to find someone to take my mind off of the person that helps me get my mind off of M.
A man's work is never done.

Life is full of choices.
Today's choice became quite easy over time.
Get my car fixed for tons of money, or buy a new car, for tons of money. I can thank the Illinois Air Team for discovering the slight problem that means my '92 Honda Civic no longer suits the states emission standards.
"Take it to one of these places, and they can fix it," the guy said.
So I took it, and they wanted me to pay them $90 just to look at it. After a bit of saying I didn't want to pay that much "just to look," the guy finally told me that with the readings I gave him, it usually costs $500 to $600.
*sigh*
Ok, so now I gotta think do I want to pay $90 just to find out he was right. Well, I decided to go look at some cars, and get some payment options.
On my way there, this is what I heard: *ching rattle kathunk kathunk kathunk kathunk etc*

Soooo.... a $74 tow ride later, this problem will will cost me more than I can even fathom. I planned on getting a tune up next week, where they would have taken a look at the timing belt. For those of you who don't know how bad a broken timing belt can be, don't think about it, it will only cause you terrifying nightmares.

To make a long (about 5.5 hours) story short... I am now the proud owner of brand new Mitsubishi Lancer. This, on top of everything else, is not what I need. Buying a new car is supposed to be fun and exciting... and it is a bit... but it's also another weight on my shoulder.
Sure, I could have gone for a used car, but a decent one is still a lot of money, and a cheep one will likely give me many problems too.
Besides... I don't need to make a payment on this car until January, nor is there any interest accrued until that time. So it seemed like the best option.
Only time will tell...

I wonder where Michelle is these days. She was my first girlfriend. Of course, we were never very serious. Why? That�s just not the was things are when you�re in kindergarten. She was an adorable little red-headed girl in Mrs. Bosta�s morning class at Edwin Aldrin Elementary School in 1973.
I met her first at the school orientation, and I remember thinking that she was an absolute angel.
On the first day of school, we were supposed to sit next to each other. But something happened, I can�t remember what, and we didn�t get to sit together. It was a very sad my moment in my life.
I don�t remember a whole lot about her, unfortunately. She was the first girl I ever called. My mother set the oven timer for fifteen minutes and handed me the phone. We talked for the full fifteen minutes about... well, I don�t remember, but I was very sad when I heard the buzz of the timer start.
She came over to my house once. I remember thinking it was like a date, and made my mother find some of my best clothes for her visit. She arrived in a cute blue and white dress that made my heart pound like an angry neighbor on the door.
Ivaguely recollect what happened while she was over. I�m fairly sure we stayed in my room and played with some of my toys... she probably wasn�t interested in Playmobile or sharp metal dumptrucks, but she never let on.

I never saw her over the summer, and come first grade she was gone... I have no idea where to. I think about her every once and a while, and wonder where she is now. Probably married to some multi-millionaire, and popping out kids like a gumball machine. But I wonder if she ever thinks of me, and remembers our brief ten months together when she was the only person I could think of.

This is Denise:

This was almost how the conversation went.

Deb: Get the hell out.
Me: When?
Deb: As soon as possible.
Me: I'll call my parents tomorrow, and be out by Saturday.
Deb: Oh, so soon?
Me: Well, when do you want me out?
Deb: I was thinking June.
Me: I was planning on October.
Deb: Oh, well as long as you have a date, that's fine.

Even though I'd been planning on October, I didn't think I was going to make it. Now I'm pretty much commited.
I admit I needed this computer before I left. And I was planning on getting a car before too long, that's out.
On my lunch today, I made a list of things I'll need, let me know if I'm missing anything: Bedroom set, Couch, Dining Table, Dishes, Pots and Pans, Silverware, TV, a Vaccuum, and Bathroom stuff. This doesn't seem like everything I need...

I figure that's a couple of thousand dollars right there. So I'm gonna need far more money than what I thought. And I wanted to buy a place... I'm feeling fairly certain I'll be renting instead.
Sure, my parents have said I could move in there for a bit... but I really don't want that. The last thing I need right now is m father yelling every five minutes, "Hey Rich! Look at this!" Then I go running downstairs and he says, "*sigh* nevermind you missed it." Then I go upstairs, and he starts it all over again.
And then what about all my babies? Marty is doing so much better, but his crying all night is annoying.... but if I leave him (or any of them) here, I'll miss them terribly.

So many things to think about. And that's all I've done all day, think about the future. Well, only time will tell.......

Target: October

This is the date for me to get a place of my own. Which means I need to get about $12,000 to pay off all my stupid debt. Stupid being me when I got myself in to financial trouble, not because the debt is stupid. Both me and the roomie have decided this.
I'm going to try selling my Magic: The Gathering cards, and my old comic books to try to make some money to expidite this. So if you are in the market, let me know what you want and I'll see what we can do.
Also, feel free to just give me money! You would have my eternal gratitiude and perhaps I'll buy you dinner if you're ever in town.

February, Song of the Month

It�s kind of funny... everyone I know makes fun of me for listening to �foreign� music, music with lyrics in a language I don�t know. My reply has always been that the voice is an instrument, and it doesn�t matter what it says as long as I like the way it sounds.
I buy CDs randomly sometimes, if I like the cover I�ll buy it, or if it has a celtic name or design I�ll buy it too, or any of a hundred reasons. Sometimes I like it, sometimes I�ll use the CD for a frisbee.
This CD I bought because it has song titles named from celtic mythology. And when I listen to it the first time... I was appalled! How could someone have vocals that don�t say anything!!! Just nonsensical syllables thrown together.

But... I forced myself to listen to it again, remembering how I don�t care if I can understand what they are singing, and it grew on me like a mold. And I eventually found that the composer claims to be using an invented language of his own design...

Listen to the song, tell me what you think. I�m curious how many people find this type of thing tolerable.

Karl Jenkins/Adiemus. Album: The Eternal Knot, C� Chullain
Like it? Buy it!