The worst news of all time came to me today....
My nemesis, Jacki, will be leaving the company. She's starting her own tanning spa with her wrestler husband.
This horrible news was softened by, yet, another insult towards me. She said, get this, that I have red hair!
Of all the audacity!

Well, she'll be gone in two weeks. It will be a sad day, she's been the best nemesis I've ever had, and we will all miss her.

A few fine folks have asked me to post what I've been writing. I've slowed down a bit, having too much to think about in other area's of my life. There's more than what I'm going to show you here, but if I give it all to you I can never expect to sell this! It's done in diary format, more or less. Let me know how bad it is, so I can revise it and make it readable.

************

The plane did not pull up to the airport, but instead we were ushered into an electric tram which carried us to the gate.
The sun sank towards the horizon as the tram entered the shadow of the airport, a building which I can only describe as a monstorsity. A physical impossibility, much like a bumble bee, which should not have been able to stand on it�s very foundation.
Security guards with rifles seemed to swarm over the complex, both inside and out. Seeing this did not surprise me after my layover in Milan, although what little information I could find about this place was very definate that firearms were outlawed. I suppose that is not the case for the police.

Ensure that your passport
and baggage are prepared
to be inspected.

This was a sign in the waiting room in customs. I got to know this sign all too well. The room was gigantic, with well over a hundred people sitting in uncomfortable plastic chairs, or milling about. I kept to myself, many of those waiting appeared seamy at best.
I looked at my watch: two hours. I folded my coat behind my head and tried to get some sleep, keeping one eye open, more or less, amongst these strangers.
�psst� Hey psst�� I could feel his breath on my ear, the acrid stench of stale marijuana filled my nostrils. I tried to ignore him, but I couldn�t hold my breath long enough.
I leaned away as I turned to see who was whispering to me. He couldn�t have been more than eighteen, and had the appearance and personality of every kid that�d been beaten up in high school. Long greasy hair that looked as if it�d been dyed black by his six year old sister, streaks of black ran down his face following lines of sweat. Coke bottom glasses that made his eyes look three times too big. He crouched in the chair next to me, his black trenchcoat dusting the floor.
�I�m gonna help you, my friend.� He patted my shoulder, he gave every appearance of trying to make it hurt, but he just didn�t have the muscles for it.
He continued talking before I could remark about his �friend� comment.
�You see that girl over there?� He didn�t point, but turned in the chair and slid his feet out from beneath him to sit properly. I could follow his giant eyes to a girl sitting about thirty feet away, reading a book.

Good god, she was beautiful. Long dark hair, fantastic tan, eyes that would have made my heart melt if she looked at me.
�What about her?� My gaze did not turn from her, neither did his.
�She�s yours. Talk to her and she will love you as long as you desire.�
�What?� But I could feel myself believing his words.
I don�t know if he said anything else, all that mattered was that I had to talk to this woman. I found myself drifting towards her, tryin to pry myself into her vision.
She looked up as I neared, her smile turned my insides to goo, and that I could motion to the chair next to her, let alone ask if it was taken, was amazing.
I could tell she was biting her lip to hid her excitement as she shook her head.
Just then the PA system droned the number �two, seven, six.�
No! I turned towards the only place I�d seem people exit, an aged greek man stood there with a clipboard. I looked back at the woman, disappointment fell across her face like a shroud. Back at the doorway, the man was keeping time on his watch.
Two hours I�d been here� it was worth waiting longer to talk to this woman, I decided. I�d turned back to her and she was gone, all the was in her seat was the book she was reading.
Panicked, my eyes darted around the crowd for her, I could not find her anywhere. Again the nasal voice called over the speaker, �two, seven, six.�
With a heavy heart, I grabbed her book and shoved it into my carry on. The greek man directed me Irvin Etcheson�s office for my immigration interview.

My bags were in the office, waiting for me.
�I just want to say, I�m not immigrating. I�m just here for a will.�
�SIT YOUR FAT ASS DOWN. DO NOT SPEAK UNLESS I TELL YOU TO.� His raspy voice reminded me of the �bad cop� in every movie 70�s movie I�d ever seen. I sat down, quickly.
His eyes, at first, went from a piece of paper to me, very quickly. After a few minutes of this, he put the paper down and stared at me.
And stared at me.
And stared.
I was uncomfortable, nervous too. I could feel the sweat begin to run down my face. I thought of that kid with the bad dye job, and I wondered what color was running down my face.
Ten minutes, maybe. He hadn�t moved. I can honestly say I never even saw him blink.
I shifted uncomfortably in the chair, the same type of horrible chair in the waiting area. �umm��
�DID I TELL YOU TO SPEAK?� His question barked so loud I jumped.
I shook my head.
He leaned closer and attempted what I can only call a whisper, for lack of a better word. �Now, take your things, and get out of here before I change my mind.�
I sat there for a moment, a bit stunned by this interview.�
�NOW!� He slammed his hand on the desk, making me jump enough to stand. I scrambled for my things and got out of there before he did change his mind.

On the other side of the customs and immigration offices a dozen men and woman offered their services as guides. �No thanks, I�m just going to take a cab to the hotel.� One man in dark sunglasses gabbed my arm and spun me around, �I can make sure you can find the cab you�re looking for.�
�Umm, I�ll just follow those signs, thanks.� I backed away a few steps, then walked quickly following the signs.
Forty five minutes later, I found myself back at the group of guides and opted to pay the twenty dollar fee for help in finding a taxi stand.
I wanted to punch myself when I discovered it wasn�t even fifty feet away.

If you ever find yourself at the D�Aubainne International Airport, do yourself a favor and turn around and leave. If you can�t, hire a guide.


Ah, the comfort of a bright yellow taxi cab. Unlike the cabbies in Chicago, these drivers speak english, more or less.
�Where to, mon?�
�Ceaser�s Hotel, please.�
I lean back comfortably, resting my head on the sticky seat with all the cigarette burns. With my eyes closed, I could see that woman again, it made my heart sink.
�It always good to have burger here, mon. It people like you who make The Edge what it is.�
�Thanks, but I think I�ll just grab a bite at the hotel. I�m beat.�
�Ya, da customs and interrogation kin do dat to a man, mon.�
And from there he proceeded to point out all the sites we passed. My eyes were closed, and my mind was on the woman. Who was she? Where did she go?
I remembered the book in my bag, and I pulled it out. Gold lettering on the front read, �Gideon�s Bible.� Flipping through it held no answers to my questions.
The cab stopped in front of the hotel. �Here ya go, mon. Ceaser�s Hotel, right in the heart of Sunken Barrio. The perfect place for a burger to stay.�
I had no idea what he was talking about.
�That be thirty nine dollar, mon.�
I handed him a fifty and told him to keep the change.
As I got my luggage out of the trunk, he was there with my change. �A fair ride for a fair price is all we ask.�
He pushed eleven dollars into my hand, �have a nice stay, mon.� I admit, I was a bit confused by this.

It was 11:30 by this time. I was tired. The woman who checked me in talked faster than� well, all I could think of at the time was �faster than something really, really fast.�
I went to my room, took off my shoes and lay down on the bed for just a minute.

Tuesday: went to eat with the parents and some cousins... ate too much, my tummy hurt.
Wednesday, picking up gramma: somehow got lost, was 15 minutes late for breakfast.
Wednesday, breakfast: ate too much, tummy hurt.
Wednesday, opening gifts: got the leather jacket I demanded from my parents. Raced upstairs to look at it in the full length mirror. Twisted my back, trying to take 3 steps at a time, so badly that I couldn't walk.
Wednesday, after gifts: didn't want to drive to my aunts because sitting hurt my back too much. Discovered three almost flat tires and one dead battery on my car, mental note: turn off the headlights. Thankfully my father didn't leave yet, and I made him jump my car.
Wednesday, dinner: ate FAR too much, my stomach hurt so bad it took the pain away from my back. Wanted to vomit, but couldn't.
Wednesday, family poker game (nickle ante): won $5, and was the big winner for the night.

Then I went home, sprayed the protective stuff on my new jacket, and watched a movie I got... Monkeybone. It's not nearly as good as I remember (but better than Mission to Mars, because what isn't??). But all I wanted to do was lay there like a slug anyway, and not worry about my back and/or stomach...
All in all, it was a pretty good couple of days.... aside from all the bad stuff.

I realize this year that Christmas is a lot like casting a wiccan spell.

Wiccan spell: Find or buy all the spell components, making sure they are exactly what you need.
Christmas: Go out and buy gifts for all the people you care about, making sure it's something that comes from the heart.

Wiccan spell: Cast a circle of protection, to keep out prying forces.
Christmas: Wrap the presents, to keep out prying eyes.

Wiccan spell: Perform the spell ritual through actions, prose, and sometimes dance.
Christmas: Tease the recipient by letting them shake the package, taunt them with false hints, and dancing around while chanting, "I know what you're gettin'."

Wiccan spell: Release the magic by removing the circle of protection.
Christmas: Watch the expressions of your loved ones as the rip open the packages, and find inside something that they know comes from the heart.

Christmas is probably my second favorite holiday. I love giving things to people... hell, that's pretty much how most of my massive debt accrued. Giving something to someone that you just know they want, and seeing the look on their faces gives me the greatest feeling.
Sadly, while trying to get rid of my debt, I'm being very cheap this year so I won't get to see those expressions. I suppose I can get through it all right though, I know I'm getting some pretty kick ass stuff from my family!

Merry Christmas everyone, and remember, it ain't about the birth of Christ... it's about caring for people. Hell, Jesus wasn't even born in the Winter!

Got the call from the vet today... Marty's thyroid condition still hasn't stabalized. It's been about six months now since his first visit, and now were back at the starting dosage of his medicine.
Meanwhile he's losing about a pound a month... he was 17 pounds a year ago, now he's less than 10. He looks like one of the four kitties of the apocolypse.
All I can do is spoon feed him baby food, and snuggle him so he knows he's loved.

I haven't reviewd a movie for a long time... so today I'll review Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers.

There's nothing to review, just go see it!!!
That's all I have to say.

Well, that... and the romance between Aragorn and Arwyn reminds me a lot of M and I... so it was a pretty sad for me. Still you should see it, whoever you are!

People would often ask me, "Dude, why don't you clean your place more often? It's a mess!!"
No, really... I've been called "Dude."
Well, long, long ago I had decided to fully clean one room once a week. I live in a tiny 6 room condo. How much work could it be??
Well, before I even finsihed one 6 week cycle of cleaning, it got to the point where it would take me longer than 8 hours to clean a room. I'd stand there staring at a bunch of stuff that wasn't mine, trying to figure out where to put it.
In one instance, I put everything in boxes, and told the roommate to put it where she wants it. This was late winter/early spring this year... I've just put it downstairs with the garbage today, after several months of threats of that.
Today was a massive power cleaning day... I cleaned every room, aside from her bedroom (which is a mess), and raced to do it all... I won't have any time for cleaning before Tuesday, when my parents will be here.
What did the roommate clean? Oh, she did do some cleaning, so I guess I have to give her credit for finally getting that dining room table empty. Yep, all day today and she did a 4x6 foot rectangle...
Of course, it was piled high with junk. And for once, it wasn't mine.

Another day like this, and I'm sure I'd just leave and live in my car. I'm dead tired. I wouldn't mind so much if it was all my junk.... but aside from one magazine, it was all hers (and the magazine was underneath a huge pile of her junk).
G'night people. I desperately need sleep.

I should be happy. I said I would be happy.
I'm not.

There's only one thing I want for Christmas. But two months ago... oh hell, anyone reading this already knows.
Every day is a new fight not to drink until I pass out. Every day it gets harder and harder.

Today was a depressing day... it was the last day of work for everyone on this floor aside from my department. Another corporate attempt to save money by moving the special order department to two different cities, neither of which are within 250 miles of every other corporate office (all of which are within a 10 mile radius).
What does this transition mean for me? Nothing, aside from more room in this building. If I'd stayed in my old department, it would be hell, though. I only knew one person over there, and not very well. Still, it's sad to see them go....
I almost took a job over there, I don't know why I didn't, but something kept me out of that area.
But there's an upside to all this.... tomorrow morning, when I come in I will dash over to that area and start trying out the leftover chairs....
and, hopefully, find one that's actually comfortable!

The Christkindlfest

So Saturday, Slyph dragged me off to Chicago with his friends and family to see this thing. This little exchange should tell you how things went for the whole evening.... I was supposed to mmeet everyone at Slyph's friends house:

*ding dong*
*door opens*
Me: Uh, hi. Are you Todd?
Stranger: No, I'm Jason.
Me: Umm.... but this is Todd's house, right?
Stranger: Nope, I think you got the wrong house..
Me: oh

Of course, it WAS Todd's house, and it was indeed Todd. And I'll have to get him back for everything he did to me that night.

The Fest was interesting... picture a renaissance fair in freezing weather, without hundreds of people dressed in costume talking with forced accents, and with giant buildings looming overhead.
That's pretty much it, so I'm even going to bother saying any more.

Oh yeah.... go check it out. It's at the Daley Center, in Chicago.

If anyone happens to know what transcriptions from audio tape would look like please, please, please, email me a sample.
I don't think medical transcriptions are what I'm looking for (but don't know for sure), but maybe more along the lines of something that might be used in court for evidence (again, I don't know for sure). Something that might include background noise descriptions, and other miscellanious stuff is what I'm thinking of.
This would be used for my current writing project... but I'm not going to say exactly how it'll be used. You'll have to buy my multi-million dollar best selling novel to find out.

The good news is that I've started writing again.
The bad new is that I now feel the need to buy a laptop... and with my poorness, it can only hurt me.

Something about Humbada's last post reminded me of this little event that happened to me years ago...

I was standing in the cafeteria at work, I was smack dab in front of the microwave. I was heating up some water in the microwave to make some nice hot tea after coming in from the brutal cold that morning. I was the only one there and this woman walks in, looks straight at me and says, "you know, pregnant women shouldn't stand in front of the microwave."
I looked down... was my stomach getting that big? No. I could understand her, at first glance, mistaking me for a girl, since I had hair down to my rear... but there's no way she could think I was pregnant.

I begged until her last day at United Stationers, and she never told me why she said that, and it is a mystery that will dog me to the grave.

Steve was in town this weekend! Who's Steve, you ask?
He's my ex-girlfriends, cousin's ex-husband.
See, Steve and Lisa got married years and years ago. At the wedding when the priest said, "Steve, repeat after me. 'Lisa, take this ring.'" Steve then handed Lisa the ring....

Steve's divorce went something like this... he got a job in Galena, IL. This meant he and his wife would have to move out there, roughly 30 minutes from her parents house. She couldn't stand the thought of being that far from her family (although she currently lived about 25 minutes from them... go figure) and forbade him to accept the job.
Steve, being all childish, then took a job in Washington DC... what, maybe a 20 hour drive, and did not back down from it.
Lisa was was going to stay here, but for some reason she went with him... perhaps it was to make his life a living hell for the two years before they got divorced. She never ever forgave him for making her move out there, and after much councelling she decided he was just a big jerk and left.
She moved back with her parents, then into the big city. And she was in Illinois again for about a year.

Shortly after that year was up, I received a call from Steve.
Steve: Hey, Rich, how you doing?
Me: Pretty good, how you?
Steve: Well.....
*long pause, and I just knew what was coming*
Steve: I was talking to my friend Olaff today, and he said Lisa's working in his office.
Me: .......................
Steve: She didn't, by chance, move out here, did she?
Me: Wellllllll.... I didn't want to be the one to tell you. I was really hoping Chuck would, but I guess not, huh?

He was stunned, shocked, and distraught by this. She hated it out there. She would have burned the place to the ground if she could have. She couldn't make any friends, never wanted to go anywhere... you know, kinda like me.
They now live two blocks away from each other, work in a building next to each other. It's been about 5 years of that, and they've never seen each other, or Lisa's good at dodging him.
Both me and the ex, could care less if we ever saw Lisa again. Yet, we'll go out of our way to see Steve when he's in town.
I guess I'm just a bit surprised that I was able to make a friend of someone's husband, and keep them as a friend through a very horrible divorce. All the time I felt like I was stabbing Lisa and family in the back (as did my ex). If the Daigle family knew either of us were still friends with him.... there'd be hell to pay.

Anyways.... I hung out with him a lot this weekend, many of us did. A good time was had by all, and I eagerly await his next visit when he can regale us with many more anecdotes about his job writing articals for a newletter put out by... The Plastics Council.

My new nemesis, Jacki, told me that it will take me 1 week for every month I've been with someone to get over her...
I can't wait that long, so I vow that I will do everything I can to be happy from now on. No new women for me yet, but I'm gonna stop the drinking, and stop lying on the couch doing nothing wishing someone would come by and cut out my heart.

Maybe I'm just tired of people at work saying, "dude, you look like hell."
Ok, no one calls me dude, but you get the idea.

So starting right now, if I ever sound sad or depressed... smack me around a lot, I may need it.

Song of the Month
Make Me Feel Again, by Edwyn Collins - Gorgeous George

I'm changing the format of my song of the month a wee bit, this way people can comment on it if they wish.
I tried to find a song that sounded all upbeat and happy, but isn't really all that happy. The obvious answer would be The Cure, but that's so obvious I didn't want to go there. This song pretty much states how I feel about a certain event that happened two weeks ago which everyone is tired of hearing. Hope you enjoy it.