Here's the deal with my bank so far...
On Monday it would take 48 hours to get the money in my account.
On Tuesday I received a letter stating I had the money in my account.
On Wednesday, I wrote checks paying lots of bills.
Thursday was spent not worrying about my bank.
Today, Friday, I received a letter from my bank stating that I won't have the money in my account until I returned the letter with lots of info filled out.
In a panic I raced to my bank.... nope, not a damn thing they can do about it. "It's not our fault" is their only comment.
Even the three (at least) overdrafts that when through AFTER I notified them of the problem.
I noticed the surprising lack of security guards, but decided they probably had camera's, so I did not take the much desired violent position.
At this point I'm aware of $112 that they've robbed from me... plus I've still got a negative balance and a bunch of other checks on the way.

So, I called my parents and begged for money. With all the money troubles I've had before I've never had to ask for money from anyone... it sucks, and it just made me feel like a complete and utter failure.
Sure, my parents were aware of the situation, but still....
I got to the Elk Grove Village branch of LaSalle Bank (their new slogan, We Fuck You Till You Bleed), in plenty of time to deposit the panhandled money.... but it seems while I was trying (yet again) to get my $112 back (and hopefully get my other money back sooner), they locked me in... and no one could find the lone person with the keys.
If they really wanted to keep me as a customer so badly, they should just GIVE ME BACK MY FUCKING MONEY!!!

I am so tired of every person in my office asking me, "How many more days is it?"
They're really taken the fun out of leaving.

But I've begun figuring out hours, minutes, and seconds... so it's fun to look at the confused looks on their faces.
For the record it's 39 hours, or 2340 minutes, or 140400 seconds. Next week I'll start combining them to really throw them off. 26 hours 140 minutes 39060 seconds.

On the plus side of it, thought, one other person is leaving in a few weeks, and another will be gone by November. I wish I could see my boss actually conduct an interview. I don't think he could.

In search of a new bank

I'm poor. I admit it, although not happily.
I've finally got enough of my debt to managable proprotions, and cancelled all my debt management programs. Which is the first thing they tell you NOT to do, but I've decided I've lived like a bum for long enough.... I want money sometimes. I still plan to pay as much as I was before, but if I want to skip a month and go for minimum payments, I can. I won't do it often... that's the plan anyways.

So everything cancelled, my banks been notified not to accept the automatic deductions from my account, the service I used had everything squared away.
Then, on Friday, I go to take out $100 from the ATM... Insufficient funds. It said. Now, I've only gone above my usual weekly allowance by $20, so I really should have enough money.
So, I race to an ATM that can give me a balance... the nearest one being about 10 minutes away. My balance... negative $95!
Ok, my direct deposit, plus all the other money I had in there should have left me at about $800 or so for the week. Time on my lunch hour is running short, so I go back to work and call the "main office."

The woman was very nice, but said that they can't actually cancel the deduction until it's been posted, and it wouldn't be posted until Monday. She also said that when I called to cancel on Monday, they could reverse any fees that accrued.
I wasn't happy about this, but it was resolution, so I accepted it.
When I got home, I dug out the number of the people that took this money out of my account (lots of money, too). I talked to the woman that screwed up, she was very appoologetic.
The company isn't set up to pay electronically, so they would have to cut me a check, which would still take a few days to get here. I asked if they could stop the deduction. She talked to her supervisor and my bank. It seems banks don't let them just stop a deduction, it seems once any random person asks for money out of your account it's theirs to keep, even if they don't want it.
I decided to wait until Monday to deal with my bank, I should get the money back in there right away, right?

I called at 8 this morning. Boy has their story has changed. First of all, it will take me at least 48 hours to get that money back in my checking account. In addition:
They *must* charge me the $28 NSF fees, because it's not their fault (even though I told them not to take this money). They *must* charge me $28 NSF fees for each additional overdraft/returned check due to this "clerical error," beause they are not at fault (even though they knew not to take that money out of my account). They *must* charge me another $28 to cancel this deduction because it's not the banks fault (even though I told them not to accept this deduction).
I tried being nice, I tried being mean, I tried yelling, screaming, swearing, threatening thier lives and families.
They wouldn't even offer me the damned toaster.

I've cancelled my direct deposit to that account. And once I figure out how much money I actually have left, I will close the account.
I liked this bank back when it was Savings of America, but then they got bought by some big conglomerate:

LaSalle Bank, where we fuck our customers right up their asses

So I'm reading this sourcebook for the role playing game Over the Edge...
It's got a critter in it called a Tulpa... a psychic being from Tibet.
Basically these creatures are formed by people that desperately want someone to be there. One example in the book is a wife leaves her family behind for some new guy. Her husband and two children miss her dearly and constantly search themselves for the reason she's left. A few months later, poof, a Tulpa arrives... in the form of the wife, who's all apologetic about leaving and promises she'll never leave again. Everyone's happy.

The problem with a tulpa is that it becomes whatever those around it expect it to be. So lets say this woman is home alone, and a vacuum cleaner salesman come to the door expecting the woman to be an easy target.
She buys a vacuum or two, then turns to the home shopping club and buys up everything. She falls for every sales trick in the book.
Then she comes across another complete stranger, he expects her to be a 6'4" football player with the head of a snake... as you can see, it can get ugly.

The big problem is that if a person discovers the tulpa's true nature, the tulpa ceases to be and it dies in a horrible way; some explode in a vortex of colors, some just fade away, some spontaneously combust, some melt away from the world like a wax candle.

Why do I mention all this?
I think about how my personality changes with the people I am with.
I go to work, and everyone expects me to be tired and cranky, so I am.
I come home, my room mate expects me to be on the computer, so I am.
I'm lucky enough to spend time with M, I become a caring person who wants nothing more to snuggle with her for all eternity.
I spend time with my family, I just sit there with nothing to say, waiting for them to find more faults with me.
I hand out with my friends, and they all expect me to fumble around, screw up, and make bad jokes, so that's what I do.

Who is the real me? I have more personalities than I know what to do with.
I can think of one person, in all my life, who I have ever felt that I am actually myself with.
Everyone else... I'm not sure. I feel as if I have to work to do what they expect, and work hard.
I feel as if I'm some kind of imposter to these people, and if they find this out, I'll just fade away into nothingness.

I was about 15 or 16 when I decided to start writing. I think I was about 16 or 17 when I stopped.
This is the first story I ever wrote. But I wouldn't really call it a story... and yes, it's written that way on purpose.
-----------------------
The Creation of the Earth
by the guy that writes this blog

�Who am I?�
�I do not know.�
�Who are you?�
�I do not care.�
�Why are we here?�
�Have you not figured that out yet?�
�No, I have not.�
�When you have, please tell me. But for now, I must be going.�
�Wait... how will I know?�

The black robes walked through the city. Each one carrying a flame larger than the one before and the one after.

�How can that be?�
�How can what be?�
�Those fires, each one is bigger and smaller at the same time.�
�I think you need new eyes.�

And the rain extinguished the flames.

�Who am I?�
�I do not know.�
�Who are you?�
�I do not care.�
�Why are we here?�
�Have you not figured that out yet?�
�Is it because the genetic engineer that created me wished to ruin my mind with ambrosian drugs?�
�No.�

The black robes walked through the city. Each one carrying a flame smaller than the one before and the one after.

�Do you know who I am?�
�You are my genetic engineer.�
�Then what are the ambrosian drugs?�
�Tylenol.�
�Thank you. You may leave now.�
�Wait... where will I go?�

And the fog enveloped the flames.

�You cannot die.�
�Why not?�
�Because I have said so.�
�Are you god?�
�No. Are you?�
�I think so.�
�What makes you so sure?�
�The ambrosian drugs.�

�Leggo my Eggo.�
�But I hunger.�
�So what? You are god and must sacrifice for the sake of others.�
�But I do not want to be god.�
�Do not worry. You will be mortal again when the ambrosian drugs wear off.�
�Then you may also have the syrup.�

The black robs entered the Temple of the Messiah.

�Where did the flames go?�
�They went to worship you.�
�But I do not feel any different.�
�What was the cause of your death?�
�I died.�
�That is logical.�
�Are you a computer?�
�We are all computers.�
�Am I the computer god?�
�You are no god. You are you.�
�That means that the ambrosian drugs have worn off. I think I will leave now.�
�Goodbye.�
�It was nice talking to you again.�

And at the dismissal of their god, the black robes committed suicide.

In my Clan Lord characters scroll/webpage, I had a little out of character section. In the section, for some reason I had a song of the month.. songs that mean something to me now or have meant something to me
Well, I haven't touched that page for a long time... if I'm doing CL stuff I want to be playing, not working on a website.
I liked my songs of the month, so I've put that little addition here (see the right side of your screen).
Read them if you want... don't read them if you don't. Either way, they're just there for me.

Is this evil?

I work in the same office as my nemesis (that'll change in just 15 working days). Every day more and more people hate her... it's great!
Lately she's been wearing (I'm not sure exactly what to call it) New York memorabilia. Today, it's a t-shird supporting the NYPD.
She's doing this because it's nearing the anniversary of 9-11, and she wants everyone to know how much she cares.
The problem is that she doesn't give a damn, she just wants people to think that she does. She starts planning this stuff well in advance so that people think she's legit... no one here is fooled anymore.
On 9-11-01, she made me feel more sick to my stomach than anything else that day.... After the attacks, she was buzzing around the office excitedly announcing how "they should let us go home early." And when they finally did let us go (because no work was getting done anyway, no one cared about work that day), you'd think she'd have stopped short of skipping around and clapping... but no.
Everyone stumbled out of the building, while she was dodging around the pedestrian traffic down the stairs.

What really makes me sick is the fact that this woman used to be my best friend... for a long, long time. We had a big argument, and she hadn't talked to me since (her choice, not mine).
Well, actually she talked to me once. She'd had an epiphany! She wanted to be friends again, and she decided that the only way for that to be possible was "for us to sleep together."
See, I'd fallen in love with her very long ago, as I thought I was about to die on an amusment park ride. I didn't die, and it took me days to fully realize what that funny feeling in my chest was.
I'd told her how I'd felt... but the feeling was not mutual. We stayed friends, nothing changed between us.
She told me her grand scheme for us to be friends again, something I didn't really want anyways. She had this huge smile on her face, and I realized how callous she can be when using people, using my feelings for... I don't even know what the hell she wanted. She was married, and had just had her first child (poor thing).
I'd thought about what to say, yes's and no's filled my mind. Then I decided to tell her the truth.
I did something I have a very hard time doing... I looked her straight in the eyes... and I told her, through clenched teeth, "the only reason I'd fuck you is to hurt you."
She's not spoken to me again. I did get a little note apologizing... I didn't read the whole thing, but made sure everyone saw my crumple it up and throw it out, knowing her she was going to use this against me somehow.
After our argument, she had done everything she could to get people to hate me... in the end, it backfired. The only person that likes her anymore is the boss, and he promoted her (I wonder what she did to get that)...there are now 5 other people looking for work, and these are five people that would have been happy to be lifers in this departement.

Of all the people here I won't miss when I'm gone, I won't miss her the most.

I used to want to be a writer. I had a great idea for the next epic fantasy novel (in only one book... I hate needing a whole lot of books for one story).
Recently I tried writing again, going back to the same story, and changing into something a bit less dark.
I forget exactly when I wrote this, probably this year sometime. It's the introduction to the epic novel I'll probably never finish, I hope you like it.

-----------------------------

It�s funny. People all over the universe confuse their gods and their creators. They think they are one in the same. Let me tell you, they are wrong.
Think of the world as a lemon merengue pie. A person with a list of ingredients and an oven takes the time to carefully measure out dashes and pinches, cups and tablespoons. He (or she, as the case may be) mixes and folds and blends and grates. The fire is stoked, and the pie is baked by this person. Its creator.

The creator puts the pie in a window for all who walk by to see, and decide whether or not they would like to buy it.
Eventually someone will purchase the pie, and decide it�s fate. Will it be eaten? Left in the back of the fridge with a three year old box of baking soda? Carelessly dropped on the ground?
The fate of the pie is determined by it�s purchaser.. it�s god.
And what if nobody buys the pie? It is lost, forsaken to the hell which is the dumpster behind the bakery that it once knew as home.

The creator has spent a great deal of time with the pie. Caring for it, and seeing that it is perfect. While the god spends much less time with the pie, quickly determing what will become of it, seeing to its fate, and finally leaving it alone.

This world is different. Teershawahr is both its creator and its god. She�s not about to give this world up so easily.
No, she�s not about to give it up at all.

-----------------------------

September 9th, 2002.
This day will forever be remembered by me as the day I stopped being an accountant. Instead I'll be a quality control analyst in advertising.
It doesn't sound very exciting, but I know there's places to move up... hopefully I won't be doing the same thing for another ing 12 years!

I just found out when today... I don't think I can wait the 31 more days until my new position takes effect.
My boss refuses to announce to the department that I'm leaving. If he still won't by Tuesday, I'll just hold the meeting myself and assign my work to someone I think can handle it (of which there's only one I'd trust, but he's too busy).
I've hardly slept since I found out... I think that's the cause of my recent run of headaches. If only you could feel the thrill I have knowing I'm moving on up (but not to the east side, or a deluxe apartment in the sky), you'd understand why I'm dancing a jig as I write this.

Receptionist: Thank you for calling L'il Drug Store how may I direct your call.
Me: Can I speak to Holly please.
Receptionist: One moment please.
*ring ring ring*
The secondary line rings... the Mount Prospect Office.
Holly: Hi this H.....
*hang up, transfer to second line*
Me: United Stationers, this is Richard.
Dave: Hi Richard, this is Dave in advertising. Are you still interested in the position?

Long story short... everyone at work asked why I was in such a good mood today. I can't tell them until a date is set.

So I have a new job, and have no idea when I start or what kind of money I'll be making. But I'll be out of my current job, and even if they pay me 1/2 what I make now it'll be a step up in the world.

Wish me luck!

The end is nigh?

Well, I finally did it. Drenn is dead.
After weeks and months of wanting this, the deed is done.
I felt like crap for it too, it all came from a bit of an argument between he and Luna... and he fell to "a crises of the spirit," Or, more aptly, a broken heart. Luna didn't know what I was doing until the next day.

I've wanted to take a break from him for a very long time. My current lack of creativity and pressures from others to bring him out left no room for fun. And when I'd bring him out I'd actually start to feel sick to my stomach.

So tonight I actually feel pretty damned good. I'm not thinking about bringing him out and being miserable, so I'm doing other things I need to do. And I'm enjoying it.

Will he be coming back? Most likely, probably sooner than he should. But it will be my choice, not because someone is pressuring me into doing it. And isn't that really the way it should be?

Signs
Ok, I saw this movie today... there's a giant googleplex theater near here, and they have an Imax screen.
For some reason they felt the need to put this movie in Imax format... which was fine for me.
I'm not even going to tell you anything about this movie. It's not what I expected, not much about crop circles at all.
M. Night Shyamalan has, in my opinion, outdone himself with this. All the while I kept looking for ways to see the surprise twist ending at the end... well, it's not really a surprise, and it's not really a twist, but it makes you say, "huh, I get it now."
If you liked The Sixth Sense or Unbreakable, see this movie... you won't be disappointed. It is, after all, infinitely better than Mission to Mars.