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The menacing buzz

December 16th, 2003 · No Comments · Uncategorized

If I lived in Texas, my head would explode. Apologies to several of my good friends, most of whom live in the “good” part of Texas, but your skulls are made of stronger stuff than mine.

In Brisbane, Texas, outside of Dallas, the biggest problem facing the community seems to be women are trying to have orgasms. And we all know we can’t have that. Not in Texas, anyway. The issue is so important, that the police chief assigned not one, but two narcotics officers to do an undercover buy of a vibrator at a private “Passion Party.” Apparently a passion party is like a tupperware party, but for sex aids, such as flavored lotions, lubricants, and menacing vibrators.

After the hostess of the party sold them a vibrator, they arrested her. She could face a $4,000 fine and a year in a jail. Because, according to lawmakers in Texas, a vibrator is obscene.

Lots of places have old, silly laws on the books. I am sure there are places where you cannot ride a horse facing backwards, or sing in public on Sunday. But those places don’t set up sting operations with two undercover cops to catch people breaking the stupid laws so they can prosecute them.

If a community decides they don’t want any sort of sex shops in their town, they can use zoning laws to try and keep such shops out. That’s fair. But when a person sells a simple plastic electronic device that happens to be phallic to another person, in a private transaction in a private venue, I don’t see where the obscenity comes in.

Here are some other items I suggest the Brisbane police go after:

  • Cucumbers
  • Cell phones that can vibrate
  • Massaging detachable showerheads
  • Any electronic massagers
  • Cigars

Seriously, what’s obscene about a vibrator? Is it the shape? The fact that it vibrates? Or is merely the intended purpose?

I am fairly confident that if you took a poll, even in Texas, and asked what people found more obscene, a vibrator, or government’s furtive hand in their bedrooms, you’d find people have little tolerance for regulation of intimate activities between consenting adults, even when gadgets are involved.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go and start signing up the entire police department of Brisbane to get adult toy catalogs.

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