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Smut Patrol

August 8th, 2003 · No Comments · Uncategorized

Seeing now that we’re running with a $300 billion dollar federal deficit, what better way to spend tax dollars we don’t even have but to sic the Justice Department on pornography? John Ashcroft, the man who puts sheets over naked statues, even when that statue happens to be the Spirit of Justice, knows exactly what to do to help this great country. Republicans stand for one thing, and that’s keeping government out of business, except when that business either takes place in a bedroom, involves anything to do with sexuality, or both. Even though it’s a $4 billion dollar industry, giving many people employment and producing a product that is clearly desired, someone has to put a stop to it before someone gets a woody.

John Ashcroft, or “Captain Flaccid” as I like to think of him, cannot be bothered with pursuing corporate thieves and pension raiders when there are smut peddlers to chase. I am sure, in good time, he will find the link between “Penthouse” and Al Qaeda, allowing him freedom to pursue and prosecute pornographers as the bawdy terrorists they are.

Ok. Now a deep breath, and we can return to reality.

I, unlike the current administration, am a big fan of letting adults do what they want to do with other adults. I can think of no right as basic as enjoying your own physical body, which is why anti-sodomy laws are so offensive to me. Here we are, sitting in a country founded by people who were seeking freedom from government interference in religion, who felt government had no place in matters of faith, yet there are laws saying “a man’s penis can only go into a vagina?” This is the land of the free?

I am relieved that the supreme court, if even for confused reasons, realized that these laws are stupid, stupid, stupid. One can only hope someday there will be a similar finding about obscenity laws.

We’ve come along way since the 70’s. Pornography is a discreet, private business now. You don’t see many adult shops around any more, and that’s not because no one is buying. Quite the contrary, it turns out porno is a perfect direct mail order business.

So tell me how a porno movie, no matter how unappealing it may be to any one person, made in a private studio, sold directly to a customer to be enjoyed in the privacy of his or her own home, has any impact on the community? Where is the offense? Where is the harm?

Ashcroft and his gang of Unarousables are going for low-hanging fruit in chasing after Extreme Productions. I am sure many people would find a hardcore movie like “Forced Entry,” which depicts rapes, to be distasteful. But that’s really not the point. I find movies like “Freddy Vs. Jason” to be distasteful too. And certainly the producers of that movie aren’t advocating murder and violence. So why the double standard when it comes to sex?

Frankly, I think it’s so John Ashcroft can spend many hours alone in his office, reviewing the “evidence.” Just check the Justice Department budget for tissues and hand lotion.

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