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Naughty but nice

March 1st, 2002 · No Comments · Uncategorized

I’ve been enjoying visiting Ms. Sex Geek for awhile, and it’s a shame to keep her a guilty secret, so even though it’s not kink, I’ll tuck her in those links. I don’t think she’ll mind. For those too lazy to click, she’s an ex-prostitute, who writes candidly and lucidly about her sex life, both past and present.

I remember reading about James’ brush with a prostitute:

I have never gone to a prostitute, or ever paid for sex (in any direct manner). I just can’t imagine doing this. The thought of having sex with somebody who isn’t really interested, who doesn’t really want to, is just such a total turn-off I doubt I actually would be physically capable. Maybe I would. I don’t know of course. I’ve always thought that if you have to pay for it, why bother?

and Johnny Payphone’s comments about it:

As for prostitutes, I can’t even imagine being that desperate. And looking myself in the eyes afterwards. It’s like admitting to yourself, “I’m such a loser that I can’t even get anyone to sleep with me through my own efforts, and I have to pay them to, like hanging a porkchop around an ugly child’s neck to get the dog to play with it.” Of course, it’s different for the rich and famous. They can have anyone they want, and they still patronize hookers a la Charlie Sheen, because they’re not paying for the sex- they’re paying her to leave afterwards. Sad, but true.

When most people think of a prostitute, they generally think of a streetwalker: a woman who turns to prostitution, working the street, because of limited options. Most people don’t think about sex workers who take their profession by choice, because they like it.

We’re a society that pays for intimacies of all sorts: hair stylists, massage, therapists. Each of these things are intimate to varying degrees. I turn to people who do each because they are good at what they do. And as true of any profession, people who are very good at what they do tend to love their work. So why would we think that prostitutes can’t love their work? Or provide a good service?

I’ve gone to a professional dominant. She is not a prostitute, but I don’t make that distinction because there’s something wrong with prostitution, it’s just technically not correct. When I paid to play, so to speak, there was no sex. Certainly there were aspects that were erotic, but no sexual contact took place. And no, I didn’t have an orgasm, for those people hoping to split hairs. Going to a professional dominant was hugely useful to me, as well as being an amazingly enjoyable experience. The nice thing is it was clearly enjoyable for both of us. She had fun. I had fun. I learned more about myself in the first two hours I spent with my dominant than in years of therapy. I went back quite a few times. And our relationship ceased being professional and became a friendship that I value to this day.

Who’s to say that going to a prostitute can’t be the same type of experience? Why is that shameful? I don’t think it is. Perhaps hiring a cheap streetwalker is embarrassing, only because it’s not a very discriminating purchase. But I bet a lot of men could learn a few things from a skilled professional sex worker.

Not to dismiss the power of intimate sex. Nothing is better than sex with someone I love and who loves me. I can’t pay for that experience. But to dismiss all other experiences because they aren’t exactly that, well that’s a bit extreme.

In the end, don’t knock it until you try it. And if you do try it, be a careful shopper, just like anything else.

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