Mistakes were made

New York City meets Munich

September 13th, 2001 · No Comments · Uncategorized


I am grateful to be alive. With so many lives lost, it is a miracle that the people I know, care about, and love haven’t been hurt or lost.

I sit here at the Contingency Center for my office. It’s in Piscataway, New Jersey. It is a windowless data center, with rows and rows of Ikea-style desks. It is controlled chaos. We struggle to find computers and restore data. We stand around and wait. I have no phone, no desk. How I will get to and from this place in the coming weeks is unclear, as are so many things.

It is unlikely I will ever see the inside of my former place of work again. It is unlikely my company will return to Manhattan.

I always thought my job didn’t matter to me. It is a paycheck. The daily slog I make to secure a means of support.

I was a fool.

It matters. It matters a lot. I liked where I worked. I liked how I worked. I liked my commute. I liked the walk through the World Trade Center plaza when the weather was pleasent, and even when it was cold and blustery. I liked how bands and events were often were staged in the Plaza. I could catch a glimpse of the culture and life of this great city, simply by going home. I liked the Winter Garden, and felt proud when people would come to visit me there. I liked to sneak outside at lunch, and write in the sun, sitting on a bench looking out at the Hudson. So many things were so good.

It is gone now. Forever. Taken from me. I have no control over my life right now. Things will be day to day. There will be no good news for a long time.

I feel petty for mourning these things. So many have lost so much more than me. But today, for the first time, outside of the shelter of my apartment and the woman I love, I see that my life has been thrust into a chaos from which there is no retreat. There is no choice but to step forward into an uncertain future, one day at a time.

I want my life back.

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