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Mistakes were made

New York City meets Munich

August 19th, 2001 · No Comments · Uncategorized

Without end

Her flight is at 7:30pm. In a few hours, we leave for the airport. She’s almost finished packing, and now she’s in the shower. I don’t know when we will see each other again, but I know it will be soon.

I’m going to miss >Conny, but we’ve promised each other to take advantage of this time to each get some things in order. None of those things happen to be fun, but if we get them addressed, we’ll both be happier for it. That’s what I keep telling myself, anyway. Trying to take the long, sensible view of things, that’s how I keep sane.

Actually, goodbyes are not that hard on me, though I’ll admit they get harder as I get older. I don’t dwell on the future, so a goodbye for a day or a month feels about the same. It’s the thinking about the duration that makes it painful, so I just try not to go there. The real pain comes during the actual being apart: the empty bed, the quiet apartment, the dinners for one, the absent laughter.

I take comfort in knowing I have her, though. I will see her again. For this, I am a lucky man, and a grateful man. I have a lover, a playmate and a friend to share in the joys and challenges of my life. Miles do not change this.

We exchanged rings yesterday. “Commitment rings” I call them, joking that they mean we should both be committed to a mental institution. I try to kid myself that I’m not a sentimental sap, but I am. I wanted us both to posess something to symbolize our bond, and to remind us of our love, even when we can’t be physically with each other.

I feel better already in wearing her ring, and knowing she wears mine.

I don’t recommend this long-distance relationship crap to anyone, though. Hard stuff, not for the faint of heart. Definitely keeps me very much in the moment, and keeps me from ever taking for granted the delightful woman who brings me so much joy. Even in difficulties blessings can come.

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